“Get your hands off my woman Mother F*ucker!”Justin’s trill falsetto voice filled the Brixton Academy as embroidered flames licked up his sinewy rock star frame and exploded in the crotch of his white jumpsuit. A really expensive lighting rig haloed his hair, long and limp with sweat. It was the stuff 1970’s album covers were made of, only it was real. There standing before me was my dream man. A man,...
I recently had the privilege of being part of the Wellington on a Plate Imbibe Pecha Kucha night. I ummed and ahhhed about what to do my talk on and in the end I chose to talk about Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. Here is a link to it. You will be my amazing by new Gorman dress. Phantom pink Zebras a go go! Former Real Hot...
I remember painfully clearly how at the age of ten my mother sat down on the end of her marital bed and patted the floral, rose pink covers beside her. We could see ourselves in the dressing table mirror opposite and instinctively I knew exactly what was coming. I closed my eyes and recited a silent prayer, ‘please, God, no.’ There was an awkward hush as my mother adjusted...
I am poor. Quite poor. Not “I’m not buying any lattes this week to make up for that pair of shoes I just bought” poor. Rather, “I have an appointment with WINZ” poor. But I’m cool with that. I’m actually pretty happy. If you’re also pinching pennies here are some of my tips to help you turn negative poverty into positive poverty. 1.Free stuff. I bet there’s a...
Thursday June 21 2012 Brooklyn, NYC The temperature hit the high ‘90s in New York today, with records set across the Tri-State Area and for Central Park in particular, and health authorities issuing warnings for society’s most vulnerable members: babies, the elderly, the 8 million dogs in the city and pet snakes. (If you’re worried, take your snake outside and pour bottled water on it, and under no circumstances...
Last night I woke up at 4.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep, to pass the time I thought about Hot People in History. It wasn’t a new thought as Rosie and I have been chatting about this for a while. It all came about as I noticed Rosie was reading Wolf Hall. I exclaimed “Oh My God, wouldn’t you just LOVE to meet Thomas Cromwell? He’s a polyglot,...
“Woah these South American men are game!” I thought as a handsome stranger waltzed up to me and gave me flowers. It wasn’t ‘impulse’, I hadn’t used deodorant in weeks, it was hardly my glamorous composure; I was busy hauling my trantruming one year old son up of the cobbles, and this guy was ‘game’ as I was standing next to the only other gringo in town – my...
Phew! It’s been a busy week; with a triumphant return to my home town, running into Mrs Ward (my former English teacher) and my father losing my son I’ve barely had time to breathe. Yes, you read that correctly my father lost my son, in the Plaza in Palmerston North. On Saturday I was sitting on the porch, musing how lovely it was that Dad and Dash were out...
Over the next few weeks guest bloggers will be sharing their take on Love, Lycra and Surprizing Adventures. First up, it’s my great pleasure to introduce Gabe McDonnell, a very clever, funny writer who also happens be someone I’ve shared many lycra clad adventures with. Dear Journal…. Typical, suburban evening. Woman turns to her husband to comment on something she’s reading in bed to find that he too, is...
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