It has been a while since Mrs Blacksmith dished out some advice.  I have just finished writing The Book and so have been thinking about sailing and family and what I have learnt…. This is for anyone thinking of going sailing with kids. I wish I knew then what I know now!

• First get all your hopes and dreams put them in large weighted sack and throw them over board. Watch as they sink to the bottom of the sea, then take a deep breath and realize while you are on board, you will not be seeing them again.
• Retrain your senses; the smell of rancid milk, sweat, wee, diesel is earthy – not revolting.
• Realize that you will always have an enormous ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach. Think of it as a great appetite suppressant.

• Know that even when you meet other people sailing with children they will lie to your face and say things like “ oh no it is no problem, it’s easy” Expect to feel like you are the only person on earth who finds it a bit of a challenge.
• Bask in the rightness of washable nappies. While everything may smell of warm wee, you are not fucking up the oceans with plastic. And that is a VERY GOOD THING.
• Imagine you are in a “ let’s go back in time experiment”  when people didn’t have daily bathes, when women and men had very clear divisions of labour, when there were no mobile phones or internet. Thinking that one-day a director will say “Cut” helps. Dressing your toddler in rags will be adding authenticity to the experiment.
  
• Take comfort in the knowledge that before the age of three the brain is making all kinds of synaptic connections, the things your little one is seeing, doing, experiencing has the potential to make him into genius who will hopefully grow up to make lots of money and reward your hard work by buying you with a nice little house in the countryside.
• Know that eventually you will run into land and you can get off, have a shower, and put your little darling into day care.
• Be prepared to spend hours picking play dough of the cabin sole.
• Think of yourself as St Teresa of the oceans, she was a very kind, patient girl.

Tags: funny, hopes nad dreams, money, mrs blacksmith's tips, sailing with children, sailing with kids, st Theresa., toddlers